Parental Ego and the Lost Connection: When Children Choose Their Own Path
SEJARAHID.com In historical narratives and works of art, we are often fixated on the greatness of the protagonist. We admire their dedication, yet we rarely peek into their domestic spheres—the space where the role of “father” is sometimes eclipsed by the role of “leader” or “visioner.”
“For too long, we have been taught only to blame the child. We label them disobedient, weak, or rebellious. But have we ever stopped to ask: Where was the father figure when the child’s soul began to drift away? From the story of Noah’s great ark to the stage of Neil Perry’s theater, there lies a ‘Hidden Story’ of a severed connection.”
The Tragedy of Neil Perry and the Father’s Shadow
In the film Dead Poets Society, we see Neil Perry, a brilliant young man whose eyes sparkled whenever he was on stage. However, that spark dimmed under the shadow of his authoritarian father. His father had already mapped out Neil’s entire future: military school followed by a career in medicine.
In psychology, there is a concept known as “The Shadow of a Great Father.” Children of great men often feel “suffocated” by the magnitude of their father’s name. They feel they can never surpass or even match those achievements, leading them to either choose a completely opposite path or fall into despair, as Neil Perry did. To his father, art was disorder; to Neil, art was breath. When dialogue hit a dead end and authority suppressed expression, Neil chose an extreme path: ending his own life.
Prophet Noah: 18/7 for the People, yet Losing at Home
Turning to a powerful theological narrative, we look at the Prophet Noah (AS). He was the prototype of hard work. Imagine preaching for centuries, day and night—working 18/7 with barely any rest—to save his people from moral decay.
The climax was the construction of a giant ark. Yet, when the flood arrived, a heartbreaking scene unfolded: his son (Kan’an) refused to board the ship. Generally, people view Noah’s son as merely “disobedient.” However, from the perspective of SEJARAHID.COM, we see a different failure—the father’s failure to instill a shared vision. Why? In Noah’s case, he was consumed by his divine duty and tireless preaching to the masses.
The “Shadow of a Great Father” phenomenon appears here as well. Kan’an grew up in the shadow of a great Prophet who was both revered and reviled. Instead of following the massive footsteps of a father that felt impossible to reach, he chose a diametrically opposed path as a form of self-existence, even though it ended tragically in the depths of the flood.
Surah Hud, Verse 42
This verse depicts the moment the Ark began to sail amidst waves as high as mountains, and Noah saw his son drifting away.
- Arabic Text: وَهِيَ تَجْرِي بِهِمْ فِي مَوْجٍ كَالْجِبَالِ وَنَادَىٰ نُوحٌ ابْنَهُ وَكَانَ فِي مَعْزِلٍ يَا بُنَيَّ ارْكَبْ مَعَنَا وَلَا تَكُنْ مَعَ الْكَافِرِينَ
- Translation: “And it sailed with them through waves like mountains, and Noah called out to his son who was apart [from them], ‘O my son, come aboard with us and be not with the disbelievers.’“
Surah Hud, Verse 43
This verse contains the son’s response—believing he could save himself—and the final dialogue before they were separated forever.
- Arabic Text: قَالَ سَآوِي إِلَىٰ جَبَلٍ يَعْصِمُنِي مِنَ الْمَاءِ ۚ قَالَ لَا عَاصِمَ الْيَوْمَ مِنْ أَمْرِ اللَّهِ إِلَّا مَنْ رَحِمَ ۚ وَحَالَ بَيْنَهُمَا الْمَوْجُ فَكَانَ مِنَ الْمُغْرَقِينَ
- Translation: “[The son] said, ‘I will take refuge on a mountain to protect me from the water.’ [Noah] said, ‘There is no protector today from the decree of Allah, except for those on whom He has mercy.’ And the waves came between them, and he was among the drowned.”
Closing: Never Ignore the Rights of a Child
A child is our mirror. From infancy, children admire us as the first humans to welcome them into the world. It is naturally easy for parents to guide, polish, and shape a child from an early age. However, if the child has no interest in the “ship” we are building, they will seek another refuge that makes more sense to them.
Both of these stories share a common thread: the father’s failure to build a dream that aligns with the child’s heart. Therefore, as parents, we must not ignore the child’s right to be guided personally. Let us not be so busy saving the world that we lose our own child’s soul at the dinner table.